Luke: "I need to tell you something important dad."
Me: "Ok, go ahead."
Luke: "If I poop outside, it could turn into a fossil someday."
October 29, 2010
September 21, 2010
"Sweet Summer Days"
Dennis Caraher wrote this poem called Sweet Summer Days. In the middle he writes these lines
We were once our children
Too soon they will be us
All they ask, a simple task:
"Remember how it was".
I hear if from my kids in their questions and in my lack of patience. In their efforts that go unnoticed. In their feeble attempts to do things themselves, learn for themselves, and just get it right, even once. I was like that once. So were you. And some day our kids will be us looking back at life through their own children. I want my kids to be comfortable in their own skin. I want their identity to be marked by sonship and not their bodies, their brains or their bank account. And for that to happen, it starts with me. "Too soon they will be us." Haunting
We were once our children
Too soon they will be us
All they ask, a simple task:
"Remember how it was".
I hear if from my kids in their questions and in my lack of patience. In their efforts that go unnoticed. In their feeble attempts to do things themselves, learn for themselves, and just get it right, even once. I was like that once. So were you. And some day our kids will be us looking back at life through their own children. I want my kids to be comfortable in their own skin. I want their identity to be marked by sonship and not their bodies, their brains or their bank account. And for that to happen, it starts with me. "Too soon they will be us." Haunting
August 16, 2010
DAD LIFE Video
Sent to me by my pal Ryan.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZa7hU6tP_s&feature=player_embedded
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fZa7hU6tP_s&feature=player_embedded
July 30, 2010
June 16, 2010
Men and Underwear
Z-man has learned how to put his own underwear on...he is also learning how to perfect a wedgie. He has struck fear into his older brothers. They have to be thinking "if he can do that to himself..."
June 10, 2010
Blow Z...BLOW!
Zachary pushed a green pea so far up his nose today at lunch Carrie needed to head to the hospital. On the way to the hospital today,
LUKE: blow Z, blow like this
ZACHARY: (Blowing hard)
LUKE: Yeah, it came out...ohhhhhh, he ate it with all the stuff on it.
LUKE: blow Z, blow like this
ZACHARY: (Blowing hard)
LUKE: Yeah, it came out...ohhhhhh, he ate it with all the stuff on it.
May 17, 2010
Raising Him Right
Gotta be proud when you find grilling utensils and high quality beer in your 3 year old's sand box.
April 1, 2010
I hate you...Kumbaya
Zachary, our soon to be 3 year old, woke us up this morning at 6:30 by singing "Lukey is a meany head...kumbaya my Lord, kumbaya " at the top of his lungs. Not sure what he was dreaming about, but you gotta love a kid who can tease his older brothers through old african american spiritual tunes.
February 26, 2010
February 23, 2010
Dead Rabbit
We bought 3 rabbits this past weekend. On the first night our neighbor's dog snatched one. In the morning I heard Luke get into the hall closet to take down his air-soft gun. After swiftly loading it in the kitchen I watched him patrol our property with tears in his eyes.
Me: "Luke, what are you doing?"
Luke: "I am going to go kill Freckles."
Freckles is our neighbor's dog and, apparently, a ruthless killer who needed to be taken down.
Me: "Luke, what are you doing?"
Luke: "I am going to go kill Freckles."
Freckles is our neighbor's dog and, apparently, a ruthless killer who needed to be taken down.
January 29, 2010
Fast Food
The boys experienced a couple of "firsts" when mom was sick last week.
1. Taco Bell
Me: "Luke how did like your first trip to Taco Bell, how is that treating you?"
Luke: "It was ok, but it made my stomach feel like it wanted to come out and get some air."
2. Subway
Luke: (After his first bite of a cold-cut-trio) "Oh Dad, we are in heaven."
Andrew: "Dad, we really are in heaven (pointing to a 3 foot high photo of cold-cuts behind Luke).
1. Taco Bell
Me: "Luke how did like your first trip to Taco Bell, how is that treating you?"
Luke: "It was ok, but it made my stomach feel like it wanted to come out and get some air."
2. Subway
Luke: (After his first bite of a cold-cut-trio) "Oh Dad, we are in heaven."
Andrew: "Dad, we really are in heaven (pointing to a 3 foot high photo of cold-cuts behind Luke).
January 11, 2010
First Sex Talk
Sex Talks
“Your balls have chemicals in them.” Those are actual words that came out of my actual mouth, directed towards my very actual, very silently, noticeably shaken, visibly afraid three little boys. They were just a part of a far more frightening, lengthier conversation that occurred between my vulnerable self and my three young boys in reference to their sex questions. In my defense, their question about sex came upon me suddenly. I had not planned on talking to them about sex for, say, another 40 years or so when I could safely assume that they had already figured it out. That was until an impromptu visit with my pregnant sister-in-law spawned the question “when is mommy going to have another baby?” At first glance, the question seemed innocent enough. In hindsight I should have quickly recognized its potential for great embarrassment. Without thinking (a fact that will become increasingly clear as this story progresses) I responded “That can’t happen, don’t worry.”
Inquisitively Luke asked simply, “why.” Now, let me insert at this point some wisdom for future fathers in similar dilemmas. Do not waste the iron-clad response “because that is the way God made it” on petty things like “why does my brother have different color eyes than me” or “why do the leaves fall off the trees in the winter” or “why do some dogs bite people.” No gentlemen, do not waste it. That response is tailor-made for moments like this one, and others that are dangerously close such as “why doesn’t mommy have a pee-pee?” As a pastor, I admit I have squandered the phrase by sprinkling it into nearly every conversation since my sons were born. And I was going to pay for that dearly. Instead of silencing my kids, the question now only makes them more persistent with an increasing number of “whys.” So…rather than giving you commentary that would break up the hysterically awkward conversation that took place that day, I know give it to in full. Enjoy.
Me: “Well, daddy had an operation and now we can’t have any more kids.”
Long, long pause.
Luke: “What do you have to do with mommy having babies?”
Me: “Mommies can’t have babies without daddies.”
Luke: “Why not? Daddies can’t have babies.”
Me: “No (gulp) but we help make them.”
Long, long pause.
Luke: “How?”
Me: (insert mental swearword of choice here)
Me: (long pause hoping they would think the conversation was over)
Luke: “dad, why?”
Me: (more silence, pretending not to hear) then a faint…”what?”
Luke: “Dad…how do moms and dads make babies?”
Me: (quick breath, quicker prayer)…”ok. It’s like this…”
Much of the next 10 minutes that passed in that tiny, suffocating little mini-van is still very blurry. I was shooting from the hip, poorly. I typically prize myself as someone who is quick on his feet, but during those ten, torturous minutes I was anything but. What I do remember is talking about “chemicals” in their “balls” that “go on mommy’s eggs.” The questions just kept coming and I sat sweating profusely begging for Jesus Christ to descend from the heavens until I finally blurted out, “YOU PUT YOUR PEE-PEE IN HER VAGINA.”
Though I have never experienced it personally, the car filled with what I imagine it might be like moments before a nuclear bomb goes off. When a strange, warm calm comes over the land seconds before the explosion ripples across the landscape and culminates in a stratospheric mushroom cloud. Or like some sort of cosmic record player scratching across the entire Universe. Mouths opened, jaws dropped, and three little minds began to melt out of 3 little sets of ears. I could tell that even Zachary, at just 2.5 years old, could tell that something cataclysmic had just happened. Then, as the reality set in, Luke asked the most obvious question.
Luke: “You did that to mom?”
Me: “Yes.”
Luke: “Where…in front of everyone at your wedding?”
Me: (Oh dear Lord, come and save me now)
Me: “No Luke, behind closed doors, at night, when we go to bed.”
Luke: “That’s what you do when you go to bed at night.”
Me: (with a bit of a smirk)…sometimes…well yes, often.
Needless to say, I am hardly proud of myself. I am nothing more, and nothing less than a survivor at this point. Since the “incident” I have guarding my words like a sniper, and wondering, in hind-sight if there could have been any more emotional damage done to my children if I simply swore to them until the day I died that I had absolutely no clue how they got here. That is my advice to all of you.
“Your balls have chemicals in them.” Those are actual words that came out of my actual mouth, directed towards my very actual, very silently, noticeably shaken, visibly afraid three little boys. They were just a part of a far more frightening, lengthier conversation that occurred between my vulnerable self and my three young boys in reference to their sex questions. In my defense, their question about sex came upon me suddenly. I had not planned on talking to them about sex for, say, another 40 years or so when I could safely assume that they had already figured it out. That was until an impromptu visit with my pregnant sister-in-law spawned the question “when is mommy going to have another baby?” At first glance, the question seemed innocent enough. In hindsight I should have quickly recognized its potential for great embarrassment. Without thinking (a fact that will become increasingly clear as this story progresses) I responded “That can’t happen, don’t worry.”
Inquisitively Luke asked simply, “why.” Now, let me insert at this point some wisdom for future fathers in similar dilemmas. Do not waste the iron-clad response “because that is the way God made it” on petty things like “why does my brother have different color eyes than me” or “why do the leaves fall off the trees in the winter” or “why do some dogs bite people.” No gentlemen, do not waste it. That response is tailor-made for moments like this one, and others that are dangerously close such as “why doesn’t mommy have a pee-pee?” As a pastor, I admit I have squandered the phrase by sprinkling it into nearly every conversation since my sons were born. And I was going to pay for that dearly. Instead of silencing my kids, the question now only makes them more persistent with an increasing number of “whys.” So…rather than giving you commentary that would break up the hysterically awkward conversation that took place that day, I know give it to in full. Enjoy.
Me: “Well, daddy had an operation and now we can’t have any more kids.”
Long, long pause.
Luke: “What do you have to do with mommy having babies?”
Me: “Mommies can’t have babies without daddies.”
Luke: “Why not? Daddies can’t have babies.”
Me: “No (gulp) but we help make them.”
Long, long pause.
Luke: “How?”
Me: (insert mental swearword of choice here)
Me: (long pause hoping they would think the conversation was over)
Luke: “dad, why?”
Me: (more silence, pretending not to hear) then a faint…”what?”
Luke: “Dad…how do moms and dads make babies?”
Me: (quick breath, quicker prayer)…”ok. It’s like this…”
Much of the next 10 minutes that passed in that tiny, suffocating little mini-van is still very blurry. I was shooting from the hip, poorly. I typically prize myself as someone who is quick on his feet, but during those ten, torturous minutes I was anything but. What I do remember is talking about “chemicals” in their “balls” that “go on mommy’s eggs.” The questions just kept coming and I sat sweating profusely begging for Jesus Christ to descend from the heavens until I finally blurted out, “YOU PUT YOUR PEE-PEE IN HER VAGINA.”
Though I have never experienced it personally, the car filled with what I imagine it might be like moments before a nuclear bomb goes off. When a strange, warm calm comes over the land seconds before the explosion ripples across the landscape and culminates in a stratospheric mushroom cloud. Or like some sort of cosmic record player scratching across the entire Universe. Mouths opened, jaws dropped, and three little minds began to melt out of 3 little sets of ears. I could tell that even Zachary, at just 2.5 years old, could tell that something cataclysmic had just happened. Then, as the reality set in, Luke asked the most obvious question.
Luke: “You did that to mom?”
Me: “Yes.”
Luke: “Where…in front of everyone at your wedding?”
Me: (Oh dear Lord, come and save me now)
Me: “No Luke, behind closed doors, at night, when we go to bed.”
Luke: “That’s what you do when you go to bed at night.”
Me: (with a bit of a smirk)…sometimes…well yes, often.
Needless to say, I am hardly proud of myself. I am nothing more, and nothing less than a survivor at this point. Since the “incident” I have guarding my words like a sniper, and wondering, in hind-sight if there could have been any more emotional damage done to my children if I simply swore to them until the day I died that I had absolutely no clue how they got here. That is my advice to all of you.
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